As my fiancé Sunil and I made a beeline from Washington Square Park to the dorms on campus, we couldn’t help but notice swaths of young people — some smoking or making out, others with their nose in a book or huddled together after class. We took the elevator to my cousin Ashima’s room — a quad on the fifth floor. She was a freshman at NYU enrolled in Gallatin College, which hosted an independent study program where she could create her own major, combining her interests in political science, law, and economics.
“Hi, guys! Welcome!” she greeted us with a warm hug. Her place was buzzing with chatter and music, books and laptops sprawled out on the floor and across the beds. We nestled on a futon and started catching up.
Sunil asked, “How’s your first year going? Are your mom and dad worried you’re living in this big bad city?” Since we come from traditional Indian families, it’s natural for us to commiserate about our strict parents. Ashima, however, was a model child. As an animal lover, she turned vegetarian at age nine, always had a polite disposition, and attended an all-girls school, honing in on her smarts and drive to take her far in life.
“Oh, they trust me. I’m pretty responsible…”
I interjected. “She has always had her head on her shoulders. If we have a daughter, I’d want her to be just like Ashima.”
“Wow!” Sunil said. “Is there anything you can attribute to why you’re this way?”
With a warm smile, she gave a matter-of-fact response. “We lived with my grandparents.”
Why Respecting Elders Matters
Respecting elders is one of the most remarkable tenets of Eastern cultures. For decades, South Asians have lived in joint families (typically patriarchal) because they understand that it takes a village to raise children. Relationships between the youth and the elderly are symbiotic. Filial piety, rooted in Confucius’s teachings, underscores the importance of honoring and caring for one’s elders. Life is a cycle. Just as children depend on their parents and guardians when they are young, we rely on the previous generation as we near the end of our lives.
Five Reasons to Expose Kids to the Elderly
1. Intergenerational Learning
Children benefit from the wisdom, knowledge, and life experiences of the elderly, gaining insights into history, culture, and traditions straight from the source. I still reminisce about my grandmother’s storytelling as she recounted the Ramayana and taught me ancient prayers or shlokas when I was just five. Later, I connected with my friends’ grandparents and heard firsthand accounts of the Holocaust or serving in the Vietnam War — stories far more profound than anything I learned in a book or classroom.
Activity: Ask your child to interview their grandparents or older people they know. What was life like in those days? What did they do for fun?
2. Emotional Support and Belonging
The presence of older individuals in children’s lives provides emotional support, comfort, and stability, fostering a sense of security and belonging. Think back to Psych 101 and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs — loneliness has become an epidemic today, especially among millennials and Gen Z. With the advent of social media and reduced human connection, older mentors can serve as nurturing figures, offering love, encouragement, and a listening ear during challenging phases of life.
Activity: Ask your child to mail a card or letter to their grandparents or elderly relatives. This can spark a beautiful pen-pal-like correspondence. If possible, open the letters together during a visit and read them out loud — reinforcing connection and gratitude.
3. Learning Compassion
Interacting with the elderly helps children develop empathy, patience, and communication skills. While kids may need help with their math homework, Nana may need help walking up the stairs — we all can be of service somehow.
Activity: Encourage your child to hold the door open for an older person anytime you enter a store, restaurant, or library. Remind them that helping someone out is a privilege and makes someone’s day brighter.
4. Intergenerational Bonding
Relationships between children and the elderly strengthen family bonds and create cherished memories. From playing board games to cooking meals together, family members of all ages can partake in meaningful moments.
Activity: Plan a visit to grandparents or older relatives and bring along a family recipe — or simply a box of cupcakes to bake together. The adults can assist with appliances, the kids can mix and combine ingredients, and everyone enjoys the sweet results!
5. Promotion of Healthy Aging
For the elderly, spending time with children brings joy, purpose, and renewed vitality. Engaging in activities together promotes physical activity, mental stimulation, and social engagement, contributing to overall well-being. The reciprocal nature of these relationships encourages mutual support and companionship, combating loneliness and isolation that often accompany aging.
Activity: Encourage your kids and grandparents to go on a family walk. It’s good exercise, promotes conversation, and allows everyone to share what’s on their mind.
Closing Thoughts
Respecting and engaging with elders doesn’t just preserve cultural values — it shapes future generations with empathy, gratitude, and understanding. By helping children connect with older adults, we ensure that the wisdom of the past continues to guide the promise of the future.
Originally published in MASK Matters Magazine, Summer Edition
